Meditating is so hard! I've tried it on and off for years and could never get myself into a good rhythm. I would constantly make excuses as to why I couldn't take a few minutes to calm myself down and refocus some positive energy.
For those of you who know me, you know that I am a stereotypical type-A personality. Everything is planned and color-coded and pretty. When things do not go according to plan, well...to say the least, all hell breaks loose.
Because I do not properly manage my stress, it manifests itself physically. In 8th grade, I started to subconsciously hold my breath when I got stressed resulting in me suddenly gasping for air (I still do this), junior year of high school I started breaking out in hives, and now stress has me in a total brain fog, I could know you for ten years and then forget your name mid-sentence. There is also some speculation that stress can trigger an autoimmune disease and can cause flare-ups. I think meditation is beyond overdue. That is why I challenged myself to a ten day meditation streak using various meditation apps. Here are the results!
Day One:
Today I used the Headspace app. I turned off my kitchen lights set some candles and sat down in a chair with my feet firmly planted on the ground. During the ten-minute guided meditation I noticed that my brain kept wandering. What's for dinner? Will I like my classes next semester? Hmmm, my fingers are cold. Endless nonsense. It really took a lot to just sit and focus on my breath going in and out. I successfully did it a few times and I felt really in tune with my body.
Day Two:
Today was really difficult for me to get motivated. Sometimes when I am home with nothing to do, I really absolutely do nothing but sit and watch TV. After being so busy during the semester and holidays, when I finally give myself permission to rest, I go all out! It can be hard for me to even find the motivation to cook or shower.
When I finally found the motivation to meditate I noticed that my Headspace free trial ran out so I had to find a new app. I found Simple Habit and so far I am liking it so much better. There is not a limit to how many meditations you can listen to for free and it personalizes meditations to what you need in your life. It also helps you set goals. My goal is to meditate to become a kinder and happier person.
I decided to do a 5 minute meditation about finding happiness led by Cory Muscara, and I really liked it. He talked about finding little things that make you happy and focusing on them, especially when you are upset. After the meditation I felt really at peace and so much happier, it was like the world had a positivity filter on. I am going to continue using this app and hopefully do more meditations like this so I can learn how to control my emotions and look for the good when life gets tough.
Day Three:
I am not having a good day today and there is no reason in particular why. I am just extremely anxious about a lot of nonsense that really does not affect my life majorly. I decided to do a fifteen minute stress reduction meditation to help that called "Freedom from Stress" by Jeff Foster.
Personally I did not like the meditation at all. It felt like the instructor was just filling time by saying "And now feel your feet. What is it like to have feet?" It was a little odd to say the least. I did take away one good thing though, and that was "you are bigger than your thoughts". It made me feel like I was in control and could choose what I think about and how I think about it.
Afterwards, I am still feeling really anxious and will be having a soothing cup of chamomile tea, but overall I feel more in control of what I think about. I feel like the workload I have is manageable.
Day Four:
I have definitely noticed changes in my behavior. I am calmer and able to look at difficult situations with more clarity.
Today was a difficult day! Our hot water heater broke so we had to clean out the basement, wait for the repairs to be done, and then go to the store to get food before the ice storm! I couldn't meditate until 9:30-ish at night, but that is ok. I am really proud of myself for just being able to meditate and take the time for self-care.
Simple Habit gave me a really wonderful night time meditation to do where I just scanned my body and relaxed every muscle. This was great and I feel ready for bed now. After a long day filled with twists and turns of beat the clock, I am stronger and calmer because I am more in control of my thoughts. I look forward to see where meditation will take me in the next couple of days.
Day Five: Halfway through the challenge!
I meditated for only two minutes today but it was really fantastic. The meditation was about what not to do while meditating. The entire time the leader yelled at you to focus, or to only think about your breath, and especially not to think about anything other than meditation! By the end, I was laughing and realized how tough we can be on ourselves during meditation. We force ourselves to try and focus really hard at the task at when the point of meditation is to get in tune with ourselves. Very good day.
Day Six:
Extremely calm day. I meditated briefly at night to refocus my energy and to put out good vibes before sleeping.
Day Seven:
I woke up in such a positive mood, and then I checked my phone. On my phone I noticed that I received word that I would be getting a new roommate, FIVE DAYS BEFORE MOVING IN. I had previously been told that I would be living alone in my two bedroom apartment. It was a great relief, no adjusting to a new person or having to worry about how my habits might bother someone else. I was particularly excited for living alone because I had just gotten into a routine at night of sitting on my couch, sipping chamomile tea, and unwinding in silence.
When I first got the news, I allowed myself to be angry and sad for fifteen minutes. When the fifteen minutes was up, I went and did some shopping with my mom. In retrospect,
I realize that I may have been suppressing emotions rather than meditating on them.
That night, my anxiety was so bad that I could not sleep until 5am. I meditated for about three hours to ease my stress, but nothing worked.
Day Eight: After such a difficult night, I felt a little bit better, but still absolutely exhausted. My new roommate also contacted me and seemed nice enough, so that also soothed my jitters.
As for meditation, decided to start a nightly ritual. I found a guided meditation on YouTube that I really enjoyed and it helps me fall asleep like a charm while simultaneously allowing me to let go of all the stress in my life.
Day Nine: Today was a pretty average day. I felt relaxed despite some challenges. I also felt that in certain situations my brain had more clarity, meaning, I wasn't as forgetful. I continued with the nightly meditation for stress reduction and sleep.
Day Ten:
Final day of the challenge. Unfortunately, I did not finish strong. I just did my nightly wind down meditation that I found on YouTube and fell asleep.
Reflections:
This was a really difficult challenge. You can see how my motivation went down as this challenge continued.
It was hard to stay on track and meditate daily. Meditating was challenging because you sometimes don't realize how much it affects you (positively) until you're in a stressful situation and you're handling it with clarity and ease.
There were so many days that I felt like I just couldn't do it anymore and resorted to doing a sleep meditation so I could fall asleep faster. While there is no wrong or bad meditation, I feel like I was cheating myself.
I think that having no schedule (as I was on break) made it really difficult to stay committed. It gave me an excuse to say, "well I'm on break, I need to relax". Now that I am back at school and have a really strict schedule, I wake up every morning and meditate for 5-10 minutes. It sets the tone for the day and helps me feel like anything is manageable.
Something that I really wanted to get out of meditation was to be a more gentle and patient person...this has not happened yet. However, I do feel that I am a calmer person. I noticed that I can focus better in classes, and when I start the day by meditating, I am more organized and on top of things. Overall, I feel that I am a more positive person who is in control of their mind and, therefore, life.
For those of you who want to start meditating, just jump right in and go for it. It was a wonderful experience and I am really glad that I challenged myself do to it. If it weren't for this challenge keeping me accountable, I would not have stuck with it. Find something or someone that holds you accountable! That was a major motivator for me.
Comments