These past couple of weeks at school have been difficult both physically and emotionally. I’ve enjoyed every second of it, but there were nights where I found myself crying as a release of the stress accumulated from my action-packed days. I realized that a lot of my behaviors were not congruent with my beliefs of taking care of my mental health. As a health and wellness peer educator, I constantly tell other students on campus of mental health resources and simple tactics to bettering your mind.
Crying after a long and busy day should not be happening. However, as crazy as it sounds, forcing myself to be happy and feeling proud of what I accomplished every day shouldn't be happening either. Ultimately, it is ok to feel ok. Instead, I should be aware of the ups and downs of life and emotions, being aware that they are normal. I should recognize that it is ok to be sad sometimes and it is ok to take a break, not every day has to be lived to its fullest, and not everything needs to be perfect. I should be taking breaks to practice self-love and self-care when I am overwhelmed. I should be practicing what I preach.
Slang and the Technological Boom
Perhaps, I am dating myself when I say that I grew up in a generation where our motto was “YOLO.” This popular acronym, that could be seen on any t-shirt wearing pubescent child in the mall, means, “you only live once”. It gave us kids a reason to be more outgoing and try new or scary things. I personally used it as a way to talk to a cute boy or try a new food, because I thought that I might not ever get that opportunity again. However sweet the intentions were, YOLO also had a dark side. The expression gave children and teens the idea of invincibility; the adrenaline rush of fear and instinct blasted through our veins and we forced ourselves, without thinking, into, sometimes reckless or even dangerous, situations. Because we might not ever have a specific opportunity again, many of us did an action without regards of its repercussions. When we were little, the repercussion would usually be small like ‘time out’ or just feeling a little embarrassed, so what did we really have to lose? However, as we grow older and our lives become more complicated, so do the repercussions of YOLO.
The dark side of YOLO gave way to the unhealthy mindset of fast-paced, goal-oriented, American living. The faster we did things, the faster we were granted positive or negative feedback. Why put things off when we could have them now? This mindset that we set up for ourselves in our youth is, what I believe to be, a contributing factor to decisions, such as not taking time for self care, that are detrimental to our mental and physical health now, in our adulthood.
From YOLO, stemmed a new acronym, FOMO (fear of missing out). If we didn’t live every day like our last, would we miss out on something critical to our existence? Don’t get me wrong, this phenomenon has been occurring for years, but due to millennial and generation x slang combined with a social media and the technological boom, this mindset has been exasperated ten-fold. We can look on our phones and see what other people are doing through live stories on most social media platforms, status updates, event attendance, pictures, blogs, websites, and even professional social media such as LinkedIn. Because of our fear of FOMO, we begin to live by the words of YOLO.
I notice that the more I am active on social media, the more discontented I am with my life because I compare it to a standard and therefore push myself because I will only live once and fear I will miss something.
The Dangerous Combo of YOLO and FOMO
Don’t get me wrong, YOLO and FOMO can be a fantastic way to inspire people to try new things, however, the issue is when they are taken to excess and can cause self-destructive attitudes resulting in phenomena, such as burn-out.
Now that I am in college, it feels like I constantly have YOLO and FOMO being screamed in my face. Who is going out to what party while I’m in bed sipping tea and watching House Hunters alone? Even worse, is going onto LinkedIn and seeing where my peers are being hired, in comparison to what I am doing. I know that comparing yourself to others is not a good habit, but in an American society where we are expected to overachieve, how can we not use successful others as a marker of how we are doing in life?
The issue with the combined mindset of YOLO and FOMO is that it does not set healthy limits. As young people, if we are constantly thinking that we are missing out and should take every opportunity, we are turning to instant gratification instead of self-respect and love. If you are scared of missing out and think that every opportunity will only happen once, you can end up pushing yourself into doing anything and everything. For example, in college this might look like going to excessive amounts of parties, hanging out with friends instead of focusing on studies, binge-drinking, staying up late, and ultimately, prioritizing gratification rather than practicality. Many freshmen fall into this habit, especially since it is the first time that they are without the guidance of their parents. Furthermore, a person might go in the opposite direction and focus solely on academics, such as myself, and not give themselves a break to enjoy this time in their life. What this boils down to is the inner battle of knowing your limitations versus limiting yourself.
Knowing Your Limitations versus Limiting Yourself
When you look at the core of YOLO and FOMO the main issue is that people do not always know or respect their limitations. What most people, especially college-aged students, do not understand is that there is a difference between knowing your limitations and limiting yourself.
Knowing your limitations is being self-aware and setting personal boundaries to make sure that you are happy but also achieving your set goals. Limiting yourself is not taking opportunities due to thinking things such as, ‘you’re too busy,’ or ‘I’m still young, I’ve got time.’ Both of these statements limit you in different ways. One puts emphasis on work and the other, play. It is so difficult to balance both, but I truly believe that the key to happiness is learning how to balance practicality with spontaneity.
I started noticing that I limited myself last semester when after rehearsals, my friends would ask me out to the diner with them. I would always say no, because I had too much work or I was too tired. In retrospect, I could have done the work at a later date or slept later that day and taken the opportunity to build relationships with new people! I limited myself by putting too much emphasis on academics and 'self-care' instead of telling myself that it is ok to be spontaneous sometimes! I was taking self-care to an extreme, where I began to miss out on opportunities. Sometimes, it is normal to not get a full-nights sleep and to feel tired the next day, because you do not have to be perfect every day, and it is more than normal to feel just average, just ok.
On the other hand, there are times when I prioritize fun over work, such as when my boyfriend asks me to come over and play the demo of the new Yoshi Nintendo game and I accept, when I know I have an early class the next day. In that instance, I should prioritize a good night sleep over a night of fun. Usually, I find myself rationalizing these poorer decisions with fear of not fulfilling my ‘glory days’ or pressuring myself to take a wild chance every once in a while.
There is a fine line in my life between limiting myself by being too practical and goal-oriented and being fun and spontaneous. That is something I personally struggle with and a stress that I am working to eliminate. I find that when I meditate daily and prioritize things in my life based on what is truly important to me, such as family and earning my dream job, I feel better, stronger, and more in control. For those of you also struggling with this challenging balance, know that there is no shame in admitting it and working towards better self-love and acceptance. I challenge all of you to take a step towards realizing that it is ok to feel ok. Not every day has to be perfect, nor every moment. Average is acceptable, and the sooner we realize and take off that pressure, we as a society will not only be more successful, but more happy.
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